This comic is bad for you.

Uglybag here, reporting from the bedroom. You might not know this, but in my spare time, when I'm not watching porn or hating how ugly I am, I like to play news reporter. And today, I has my first interview! Sketch Reed agreed to take some time off to talk about small press publishing, not having a car, and what it means to truly live. And here's the interview!

UGLYBAG: First off...Identify yourself, pantheist heathen!
SKETCH: Sketch Xaviar Reed, age 18 years and 10 months, founding member of Sketch Xaviar Reed Artistic Productions (what would become Helicopter Kick Press, for you people just showing up), black hair, ice blue eyes, pizza face, choice weapon: staff, subhuman (what you humans would call a demon), illustrator for the shit rag that is This Comic Is Bad For You, and friend to plushies everywhere. Also deeply in love with a certain beautiful woman who will remain nameless. She knows who she is. *koff koff Alicia Renee Murray koff koff*

UGLYBAG:Sublety isn't your strong suit, is it?
SKETCH: Fuck no.

UGLYBAG:What the hell is Helicopter Kick Press? Whatever happened to Sketch Xaviar Reed Artistic Productions?
SKETCH: Well, Helicopter Kick Press is the small press publisher that publishes This Comic Is Bad For You. We don't just do this fun romp, however...we have a lot more publications up on the good old Internets. We do have a mail order catalog...once I get it up, I'll post the link right here in these parenthesis (If you can read this, Sketch's lazy ass hasn't finished it yet), and we also sell other fun stuff on our Etsy store (It's not done yet either. Sketch is a bum.).

And to answer your second question...quite simply, I'm not Andy Warhol. When Fuzen (the writer for TCIBFY) showed up, I wasn't exactly happy with keeping this small press outfit named after me. It seemed kind of selfish, I guess. Even though I do all the fucking work. (But only because Fuzen can't spell.) So yeah...we ditched the name Sketch Xaviar Reed Artistic Productions, and settled on Helicopter Kick. If you want me to ramble on about how we picked the name, go to http://helicopterkick.webs.com/faq.htm

UGLYBAG:Define "small press" to our uninformed viewers. Exactly what does a small press publishing company do?
SKETCH: "Small press" is an ancient East Indian term meaning "people without money writing awesome shit no one reads".

UGLYBAG:How does it feel knowing that no one reads your "awesome shit", including TCIBFY?
SKETCH: Fucking awesome, actually. There's a song by the White Stripes that pretty much has become HKP's theme song, and sums it up. It's called "Little Room", and it goes like this...

"When you're in your little room,/And you're working on something good,/But if it's really good,/You're gonna need a bigger room./And when you're in your bigger room,/You might not know what to do,/You might have to think of /How ya got started/Sittin' in your little room."

And then there's some meaningless "La da da da da da da daaa"s after that that no one really cares about because they're not relevant to the song in any way.

But yeah..we're literally in that little room. Our HQ is a small corner of my bedroom in my 3 room and 1 bathroom apartment in Washington, MO. So we're kind of at that point. And it's kind of a good point to be at, you know? You can do ground-breaking, offensive, revolutionary, badass shit that you couldn't do if you actually had readers or press coverage or reporters that watch your every move. It's kind of freeing knowing you don't have people watching or knowing who you are. Maybe that's why people are such assholes on 4chan.

UGLYBAG:How would your life change if TCIBFY--or Helicopter Kick, either one--got huge overnight?
SKETCH: Again, we're back to the brilliant song by Jack and Meg White. When I do get a bigger room...when I do get famous...I don't really know what I'll do. I know it's a matter of time--I guess every starving artist says that--but when it happens...shit, I dunno. I just hope I keep my balls and don't cave in to Hollywood and get a live-action film done of one of my comics. Those things destroy worlds.

UGLYBAG:How does it feel knowing you have no car?
SKETCH: Awesome. My bike is great, I don't have to pay for gas unless I use my stove, and I'm actually losing some of my fat from riding it (a fact Alicia loves). Of course, I can't go anywhere outside of Washington....which kind of sucks. But then again, that's why I moved to Washington...everything's right there. Hell, my bank, the art supply store, both my favorite grocery stores and a bunch of fast food stores are right next to each other. So it's all good. Enjoy shelling out 4 bucks a gallon, puny mortals.

UGLYBAG:Let's talk about Sketchy. You say in the About The Cast section that Sketchy is your "dark side come out to play." I honestly wasn't aware you had a good side--you're a demon, after all--so how far is Sketchy from your normal psyche?
SKETCH: Not far. The strange thing is that I tend to care more about the people around me than most people do, usually to the point of what most would call blind stupidity. I've been known to tell complete strangers that if they needed a place to stay, they could crash here. Of course, after an incident with a guy who I used to trust (who will remain nameless), I've had to rethink that policy. But yeah...I have some pretty dark parts in my soul, and that's where Sketchy comes from..

I guess it rolls back to how I grew up. I'm an adopted orphan who was picked on all his life, and the only things I could really trust as a kid--and still even, for the most part, as an "adult"--were (are?) plushies and other inanimate objects, or creatures besides humans (fish, dogs, cats, etc.). So I grew into a demon, but a caring one...who cared about those who are oppressed, but who still has no real attachment to the concept of human life. I see murder victims on the news, and I find it amusing, I watch Saw, and I laugh my ass off. And so on and so forth. The odd part, though, is if someone beats up a plushie or a doggie or something, I get infuriated.

It boils down to the fact that the majority of people are just basically cannon fodder to me, because I don't identify with them as well as I do my "imaginary" friends. But I still, for some reason, want to help humanity become something better than what it is now...what it could truly be. It's a huge paradox, but hey, that's me. And that's why Sketchy isn't me...he just doesn't give a fuck. I, sadly, do.

UGLYBAG:What fuels your drive? You do so much--manage the website, produce and illustrate this web comic on a semi-regular basis, draw, write and publish your own minicomics and zines, keep up with your graphic design work and maintain the stores to keep the "little room" afloat--how do you do it all?
SKETCH: What fuels my drive? Life, motherfucker. I like living.

I didn't use to like living. Hell, I used to not even be alive I hated myself and the world. There were mornings that I just wanted to stay in bed, with my head under the covers and my arms wrapped around a plushie, becuase that was the only place I truly felt safe. I didn't feel safe at school, I didn't feel safe at church...I didn't even feel safe in my own house. I was on the verge of self-destruction many times...but every one of those times, I looked in the mirror, and no matter how worthless the monster in the mirror looked in my eyes, I told myself to get the fuck up and keep going, because I could get through this...because no matter what the assholes in school said, no matter how much my parents didn't approve of anything I did, no matter how much I hated myself, I WAS BETTER THAN THIS. But there were some times when I saw that reflection, and even all the reassurance in the world couldn't hide the monster that I'd become.

In the last couple years though...it's been worth it. I went to college, and found that there were others like me, who went through the same shit I did and survived, and those were people who, for the first time, I could trust. I went on the Internet and discovered there were people who loved my work, loved my demented mind, and found a guy named Fuzen Kuden, who is EXACTLY LIKE ME, and who I could be proud to call my best friend. I went on a date with a beautiful young woman named Alicia, and found that there was a girl who could love a monster like me for me. I got out of Gerald, Missouri and moved away, and found that there was a great big fucking world outside the small town hell that I lived in for so long. And I learned to embrace the darkness, embrace the demonic side of me...because that was just as much a part of me as the part I showed the world.

In short, I learned to enjoy life. I learned to LIVE. Not just exist, not just scrape by, but FUCKING LIVE.

I ride my bike in the streets at night when it's raining, enjoying the night air and not giving a flying buttfuck about cars or rain. I stay up 'till the wee hours of the morning with Fuzen, chatting about stupid shit that no one cares about but us. I order pizza and eat the whole thing, because I'm just that hungry. I kiss Alicia, and goosebumps go up her arms and mine as I hold her tight. I go places, I do things, I explore the town, the Internet, MYSELF. I learned that to live, you have to explore. Before, I was trapped in my bed, not wanting to explore the dark and scary world that is the third rock from the sun. But now...I love exploring. I love doing things that I couldn't or didn't think I would ever do. I love living.

I love my little room, I love my beautiful Alicia, I love running the juggernaut that is Helicopter Kick, and I still love my plushies. And I love living. That's why I keep going. Because I want to live. Not just breathe, but LIVE.

UGLYBAG:Anything else you'd like to mention?
SKETCH: I'd like to quip a quotable quote...ahem. *deep breath*
(The following should be read while screaming.)
CAPS LOCK IS CRUSE CONTROL FOR COOL!
BUT EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL, YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER!
HERP DERP FROSTED BUTTZ!
OMFG LOLCATS! LOLOLOLOLOLOL.....
AS YOU CAN SEE, I FAILED DRIVERS ED!!

UGLYBAG: (sigh) Anything else, you fucking retard?
SKETCH: Nope. That is all, you ugly bagheaded porn freak.

And this concludes our interview with Sketch Reed. I'm Uglybag, and until next time, remember...butter is not a good thing to use as lube, especially if it's heated in the microwave.

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Yes, there is a new comic on the way. But get used to Uglybag News...it's becoming a regular feature, mainly because search engines love lots of text, and we love search engines. So whatever.

Here's some things to click on.

Uglybag News Feed.

Uglybag News! Issue 1: Uglybag's First Interview (Sketch Reed)

The battle of Uglybag's undead army.

Fuzen's super happy fun time.

He's so British, he shits the queen.

I'm so bloody British...

Epic face.